So now that we have the definitions, where am I going with this.. right? Well lately I’ve been doing some thinking (relationship wise) and I find that a lot of my conflicts are started within. The reason being is that I’m too independent. Men will say they want a female that’s independent but in reality when you look at the definition and break the word down do they really mean what they say? And if so why do my relationships never last if I carry such a quality men prefer. Going back to the definition independent is not being connected with another or with each other. It’s the practice of being separate. Its not depending on someone else for strength or effectiveness. When it comes down to a relationship the one thing you want to feel is connected. You want to depend on your significant other for strength, or support or whatever it is you need.

So is being independent a curse or a blessing? We as females are taught not to be needy, don’t depend on a guy for anything, worry about yourself, don’t cry in front of him, don’t let him see you down, don’t ask him for money, don’t do this, don’t do that, so on and so forth. But what exactly are we supposed to let men do if we are already acting as the men in our own lives? I have had a guy tell me he felt like he couldn’t be the man I needed because I did everything myself and it made him feel less of a man. That’s when I knew our women were doomed. We are so strung out on being the ones to hold it down we never allow a man to lift us up. Why? Because we are so worried about the one time we let a man do something and it backfires.

How many of us hold back on asking for something because we have too much pride? I know I do. I was watching a sermon once on relationship goals. One thing that stood out to me was the part where the pastor explained how it is mans job to cultivate. Man is supposed to cultivate the woman! What do I mean by this? Well let’s break down the word cultivate.

CULTIVATE

• Try to acquire or develop
• – apply oneself to improving or developing

So it is mans job to cultivate the woman. The third thing God told man was cultivate. Cultivate here means, to bring out the best in everything around you, to maximize the potentials of everything and everyone around you; to make everything fruitful. This was only told to the male. That’s why God will never give a man a finished woman. The male was created by God to create. The woman you are looking for doesn’t exist; she’s in your head. Your job is to take woman you married and to maximize her potential. This can only happen if you are not independent (and this will only work with a God fearing man). It is okay to be vulnerable. We as women have to stop letting whoever hurt us take over us. Don’t become who hurt you. And don’t be that person who becomes bitter and relies on themselves for everything. We were not created to be alone. We were not created to carry our weight on our own. And in order to be successful in a relationship we sometimes have to meet our mans needs even if we don’t want too. Even if that means being submissive and not the independent woman you so proudly want to show off.

3 things a man need > Honor/Respect/Support (and sex). Allow him to fail , let god get him , honor the man you want him to be, encourage him, and support him. Don’t keep him thirsty because he starts looking for it somewhere. We have to meet our husband AND wives needs. And when we don’t meet those needs we turn to where we get those needs met. Sin is trying to meet a legitimate need illegitimately.

Again independent is the practice of not being connected with another or with each other. It’s the practice of being separate. And when in a relationship all you want to do is be anything but separate. So… Independence a curse or a blessing?