Maybe you are searching among branches for what only appears in the roots – Rumi***i do not own rights to this piece. This picture does not belong to me, for more pieces check out https://www.instagram.com/madowtahay****

Can we just take a second to acknowledge why boundaries in a relationship are a must have these days? According to Merriam Webster a boundary is defined as “a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line”. Oh, so…. pretty much what most of my past relationships lacked.

It’s definitely not anything to fret over. Life constantly reminds me that everything in life is trial and error. We would not appreciate a good man had we not endured worst men. We wouldn’t know where to set boundaries had we not experienced something for us to even realize we needed any in the first place. So now that I’m back on the dating scene I’d like to say my first boundary is HUGS ONLY! Yes, hugging! Lol immature right? No. I just don’t feel that as a single woman, dating multiple men, I want to share my personal space. Dating is essentially all it is. Dating. We go out, we hang out, we get to know each other. That doesn’t include making out, locking lips, 2nd or 3rd base.

Recently, I had to reinforce my boundaries to someone I’m dating. Reminding him that I’m not ready to take our situation to the next level and start kissing. Even after having this conversation he continued to ignore the barriers and tried to do so anyway. It annoyed me at first, but furthermore only made me realize why it’s important to set boundaries from the beginning. If I say I’m not okay with something, and you are still trying to justify it welp there goes that. You need to go! That already lets me know that later on down the line whenever I say I’m not okay with something, that person will continue to justify why the way I feel is not valid. Your partner should respect your decision regardless. In my last relationship I learned that just because it isn’t a big deal to me, it may be to my partner and I need to respect that. Which brings me to open lines of communication.

In order to set boundaries, you must be sure of what you like and don’t like. The necessity of boundaries runs deeper than exposing them— you have to stick to them. You get to decide what you will and will not allow in your relationship. The world is literally yours. You must be willing to openly express how you feel. Now-and-days a lot of us are falling for the potential and expectations. Not realizing it’s a fixation of our imagination of the person we’re building them out to be in our heads. And in most cases when we don’t speak on these expectations, they are not met. When they are not met, we are not happy. How can we expect people to do certain things without having these kind of conversations?

We shouldn’t be so prideful and ashamed to voice our feels because we think we may come off crazy. Well let me just say, for one— I must be crazy. There’s no way from this day forward, will I meet a guy and just let love run it’s course. Nope! I’ve learned too many lessons to believe that love alone can magically “run its course”. Going forward I’m having these kind of conversations where I’m stating “I am looking for, X.Y.and Z”. If this isn’t for you then I am no longer interested, which is also totally fine. I have no FOMO (fear of missing out) because there are plenty of guys out there who’re willing to accept my boundaries. Having these conversations early can save you from the heartbreak later.

It sucks a lot when you initially meet someone and later on down the line they are nothing like you EXPECTED them to be. This word comes up often because well, it’s a key factor. We have to stop falling hopelessly and fall realistically. Honestly what harm can come from telling someone the parameters of your love and what you will and will not accept?

Good luck & nuhlet nobodi son tekyuh fi bloodclot idddiottttttt