2018 was about self growth, self love, self, self and more self. However, if I’m being honest with myself I feel I am right back where I started emotionally. I’ve come to realize that I make the same irrational decisions over, but the only real growth is how I have managed to cope with them a healthier way. I have learned to master peace, by choosing positive coping mechanisms. But now the task at hand, is to cut back on the irrational decisions altogether.

So, I have a friend who posted a video on her journey about abstinence. For the record I had to clear up the difference between abstinence and celibacy myself because I am famous for confusing the two. So before I go any further, here’s the definitions:

1. ab·sti·nence
   NOUN
   the fact or practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something, typically alcohol.
2. cel·i·ba·cy
   NOUN
   the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.

So back to regular programming, I mentioned I need to cut back on irrational decisions. These decisions come mostly in the choice of men I choose to date. To be honest I couldn’t tell you anything significant about the men I have crossed paths with.

A quote that sticks out to me is ‘Sex doesn’t sustain marriage”. This quote has been heavy on my mind, as it is true. What can we really say about our partner besides that the sex was bomb? Us millennials have settled for Links and Drinks, and completely let go of the Get to Know. Lately my relationships lack communication, trust, respect. All the simple things that are pushed back when the first relation made is in the bedroom. We are literally falling for people for all the wrong reasons. When’s the last time you asked someone their favorite color, or favorite food looking to surprise them with something? Rather than asking to pretend you care as a way just to keep conversation going…. how many of you can say you know your partners last name, or what’s one thing your significant other can’t leave the house with? We need to practice getting to know our partners outside of the bedroom.

So in my decision to become abstinent, I decided the best way to start my journey is to write the guys that I have messed with emotionally and physically. Each letter was personal and it was just I guess a way for me to thank them for the experiences, the growth, the memories. the everything. As well as wish them success on future endeavors.

That was step 1 for me on choosing to practice abstinence. I had to completely let go of the men who would be a hindrance on my journey. I at least owe them closure. I’d hate for someone to just completely go MIA on me.

Once that was done, I figured although this a new journey for 2019 let me actually backtrack to the last time I was actually intimate with someone. September would be the last time… September 26th to be exact. So technically I have been abstaining from sex for about 3 months now (unconsciously).

As far as dating, I am still going to do so. However this will be an actual test as to who is really down for getting to know and love me for me. You men are either going to have to accept my decision to abstain from sex, or move on. And who knows I may be saving myself from a lot of trouble in the end.

I am putting an end to links, drinks, manipulation, disloyalty and meaningless sex. I am opening up a world full of deep conversations, respect, trust, and loyalty. Unhealthy relationships, and toxic situations where I define how much I love a man by the bull shit I endure is now a thing of the past. Bring forth healthy relationships, communication, reciprocity, owning actions, and all that other good stuff!

I am so ready, cheers to abstinence!

PS:

1. Tune into the lovely lady who inspired me (as mentioned earlier in the post) and check out her vlog here 👉🏾👉🏾 https://youtu.be/DxAFfIqbDBw and follow her on Instagram @stushking_
2. Don’t forget to watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix