I have been struggling with how I want to start this post off. I’ve always been an emotional wreck around my birthday but this year, this year has been one for the books. Back in February I lost my grandma. If you know me you know that was my girl. I can’t say that I have been okay since, as grievance is always something that is tricky to navigate. It’s September now, and I am realizing that I wont have a call from her, can’t celebrate grandparents day with her, won’t do our yearly shop at Sephora. It’s been tough. I say all this to say that, just when i thought things couldn’t take a turn for the worst they did. I lost my job earlier this month. Yeah…. right before my birthday due to budget cuts (Will never work for non-profit again, btw. A girl has got bills and tuition to pay for.). It’s been about two weeks and I am finally wrapping my head around my situation. At first I felt defeated, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s one thing to want to quit your job, but when you are ready. And it is another thing to just be let go out of nowhere.

When I first got the call I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was literally walking out the door to head to Las Vegas for a wedding. I told myself cry on the plane, and pull it together for the wedding. Thank god for a supportive mom and boyfriend. They would not let me sulk for one minute while I was away.

Returning home, I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself for the days to come. I literally just got organized (via my last post). I had a routine down packed. Now, now i have more free time than ever. What was I to do?

Well the theme of my horoscope has been big changes, and practicing more self care. One horoscope said verbatim “Virgo you have major changes and transformations that are taking place between now and within the next few weeks. God is rearranging different things in your life and could be tearing things down which is bringing you into alignment for your souls calling, purpose and path. Working out, yoga or even meditation is going to help bring in answers and clarity at this time. You’re getting ready to enter a chapter of not only building but also being led to do things by the book and under God’s plan for your life. Keep moving forward and keep diligently working on the ideas that you have set your mind on achieving, your commitment is being tested at this time not only to self but also to God.” via @Meccadreams on instagram.

For the longest i felt like I wasn’t making a huge impact in the work I was doing. Which is why I switched to nursing. I also didn’t know how I would be able to handle social work, case notes, and house visits while pursing nursing. Well God released me from what was holding me back to put me in a position to focus on my passion.

With a hectic schedule, i barely had time to workout. I have been stress eating, and gaining more than I was losing due to the lack of time I had to focus on work. Now I can get back to working out, bettering my diet, and I have time to meditate and reflect on all the positive things in my life.

What felt like the worst day in my life, actually helped me refocus my and realign with whats important in my life. No more over extending and taking away from me.

So as I celebrate my 28th birthday I would like to call this chapter PAUSE. Because that’s what I am doing. Taking a moment to just do me, whatever that is. As long as it serves me and brings me closer to my purpose.

And as for you Grandma, I know you would be so proud of me and the woman I am becoming today. I am going to continue strive for greatness knowing you are with me every step of the way.

xoxo, a girl taking a break, a much needed break.