Around my birthday last year I had just gotten into the routine of living. And when I say living, I mean with parameters. As someone who is easily overwhelmed, overstimulated and anxious 24/7 I need a concrete schedule. Immediately getting back into school full time, working full time, and tending to side hustles can create chaos, and it did create chaos for me. Mentally.

So I decided I was going to get organized, create a sustainable and manageable schedule and stick to it. But then, I lost my job. Talk about a punch to the gut. Now here I am in January 2023, writing this blog on a Saturday at 1:55pm, whilst babysitting because my schedule is out of whack! I told myself I would not create content, or write on weekends and yet here I am.

Let’s get into my transition from working woman, to stay at home girlfriend. First and foremost the switch has not been easy. I kid you not, I thought that my boyfriend allowing me a year off from working was a blessing, but for a Virgo I think it has been more of a curse. The fact that i felt unproductive took a huge toll on my mentally. For a while I felt less than, like a guest, useless, etc. It’s crazy how I let having a 9 to 5 decide whether I was productive or a good person because I had a legit job. In the beginning I struggled with feeling less than because of this.

I had to shift my mind set. Well, Ayana you have a whole side business, you wanted to workout, and now you can tend to little things that you’ve been putting off due to lack of time. Or at least that’s what I told myself daily. I had to shift what productive meant to me, because for a long time that meant waking up at 6am, slaving at work for 8 hours, and then coming home with no time for anything. Being that I did home visits, sometimes on weekends I would have to work, so I really had no day that belonged to just me.

With that being said, I was like “oh yeah its go time. Let’s get this business booming’. This turned into an unhealthy obsession with coming up with products, pictures of products, reels, content, etc. I went from working every Monday through Friday, to every damn day. I even began ordering things just to make things just because. So although my mindset changed, the work behind that mindset didn’t. I was still struggling with not having a 9 to 5, and making up for it with this unhealthy overworking obsession at home. In addition, lets mention my sleep schedule. It went from having to wake up, to oh well let me just sleep my first week inside, to let me just wake up when I want too.

I highly do not recommend. Because of my birthday, families birthdays, friends birthdays, and the holidays, lets just say there were more nights out than in. That completely killed my sleep cycle and so here I am 4 months later sleeping in, starting everyday at 12 noon. Reasons why I am writing this blog, that ends now. I am not a night owl, I like things to get done early so I can have the rest of the day to myself. Therefore, I had to go and create a calendar and plan my days out. Weekends included.

It’s so easy to just wake up and go with the flow and work from home until 1am when you have no set schedule. Not to mention, since I stayed home it seems that I am a maid. Remember to define your role in the house because men can begin to think that you are now a house wife. And anything house related belongs to you due to the fact that you have “more time on your hands”. For a while i felt like this took a toll on my relationship. I am silently battling feeling less than, while simultaneously feeling like i need to do more for the house because I am not working. However it seemed as though my boyfriend began to neglect certain chores that were his, because he knew I’d be home to do them. I didn’t appreciate this, and for a while i felt like i had to pick up where he slacked because he was right, I wasn’t doing anything. Or so i felt as though I wasn’t contributing. This was a struggle, I resented him but also felt like I had no choice.

This is where communication comes in handy. After a conversation he understood how this took a toll on me and messed with my depression, and I understood how exhausted he was from working so I wouldn’t have too. I was so out of my element starting arguments, and he was so tired physically that emotionally he couldn’t be there for me.

So going back to the stay at home life, I realized that I needed to get it together. Something has to change, I need consistency so I can stop feeling out of place. I then decided to create a weekly calendar for myself to adhere too. This has truly been a help. My calendar goes as so:

• 6-7am, I am waking up, doing my morning facial routine and either having a cup of coffee or tea.
• 7am-8:40am I am posting content, checking emails, texting my mama or my man, letting everyone know there’s a new blog up, and listening to a podcast whilst doing these things.
• I then block out three hours from 9 to 12 for workouts. My boyfriend and I workout together so depending on how lazy he is will determine if the workout happens earlier or not.
• From 12 to 2 I am napping, eating or relaxing
• 2:30 to 4:30 I’m creating content
• 4:30 to 5 I am working on my blog
• 9pm in bed winding down

Big chunks of time allow me to move at a slow pace, and allows room for error in case I get up late, or don’t feel well, or have a prior obligation.

Redefining what productive is for you helps as well. The definition I am going with is: achieving or producing a significant amount or result. And so I get to set what a significant amount is for me. And it is okay to start small. Maybe this week I will focus on being up at 6am, once I master that then outlining my days with my new time shift. And so on and so forth. You are in charge of your life. If a significant amount looks like 5 minutes of rest or meditation here, and next week it looks like 10 minutes, then the following 5 again that is okay. Do not be so hard on yourself like I was me. It is not worth it.

Take time for yourself. It is so easy to get wrapped up in whatever you are working on. Just start by practicing gratitude for at least two minutes a day. Love on yourself for a few minutes a day. Sit in silence. Whatever taking time for you looks like, just do that.

Last but not least, define boundaries in your new position. We automatically go from working woman to super maid, super mom, super dog walker, super nanny, etc. It can be mentally exhausting as your life shifts. It is okay to ask for help, it is okay to set boundaries. And it is okay to not know what the hell is going on, and hit is totally okay to just want to sit on that for a few. Because, although it sounds cliche it does get better!