Blending families after separation or divorce isn’t just about merging schedules, chores, and holidays.
It’s a deeply emotional process for everyone involved—parents, kids, even extended family.
If you’re in the middle of this journey, it’s important to know:
You’re not alone.
Everyone in your family is feeling something powerful, even if it looks different from person to person.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape
Kids might act out or withdraw because they feel the same big emotions you do—sadness, confusion, longing, even anger.
They miss the parent they were close to, and the world they once knew feels uncertain.
Adults might feel guilt, resentment, or hope—all tangled up in the challenge of making something new from what feels broken.
What is Gremlin Therapy?
During my residency, my professor introduced me to a therapeutic approach called Gremlin Therapy—which is inspired by narrative therapy but isn’t an official therapy model.
It’s something one therapist developed to help clients externalize their struggles in a creative, relatable way.
The idea is to externalize those “gremlins”—the negative, confusing feelings or thoughts we all carry about our families or relationships.
In the context of blending families, this means:
- Naming the difficult feelings or challenges as “gremlins” that affect everyone.
- Recognizing these gremlins don’t belong to any one person but are shared struggles created by the family situation.
- Understanding how these gremlins influence each person differently but equally.
By externalizing the problem, families can stop blaming one another and start collaborating to heal.
Why This Matters for Blended Families
When families blame each other, resentment and distance grow.
But when everyone recognizes the “gremlins” are common challenges—fear of loss, loyalty binds, insecurity—it becomes easier to empathize.
Kids might act out because they’re scared or sad.
Parents might feel frustrated because they want control in a situation that feels out of control.
If you can name these feelings as shared “gremlins,” it helps take the power away from those negative emotions and puts it into your hands to manage and heal them.
Tools for Navigating Blended Family Challenges
- Open Communication: Regularly check in with everyone, including kids, about how they’re feeling.
- Family Meetings: Create safe spaces to discuss challenges, fears, and hopes without judgment.
- Externalizing Language: Talk about the “gremlins” instead of blaming each other. (“Gremlin of jealousy” or “gremlin of confusion”)
- Patience & Empathy: Remember everyone’s journey is unique; what affects one person deeply might feel less intense for another.
- Professional Support: Don’t hesitate to seek family therapy, especially approaches like narrative therapy or Gremlin Therapy techniques, to guide healing.
🌿 Name It to Tame It: A Family Connection Worksheet
Helping families work through big emotions by naming the problem, not blaming the person
About This Worksheet:
When families are navigating big changes—like blending households or co-parenting after a breakup—it’s easy to internalize the struggle or point fingers. This worksheet helps your family externalize the issue, meaning we see the problem as something outside of us, not who we are. This builds empathy and invites teamwork instead of tension. (Downloadable PDF here)
✍️ Step 1: What’s Been Tough Lately?
Think of a recent challenge or conflict in your home.
Ex: Arguing more than usual, a child acting out, not getting along with a stepparent, bedtime meltdowns, feeling left out.
We’ve been having trouble with:
🗣 Step 2: Give the Problem a Name
Name the challenge something that feels separate from the people involved. Be creative or playful if it helps!
Ex: “The Storm,” “The Wall,” “The Worry Monster,” “The Invisible Divide,” “The Bossy Voice,” “The Sad Fog,” “The Hot-Headed Heatwave”
We’ll call this problem:
💡 Step 3: What Does This Problem Do to Us?
Let each person share how this issue affects them. Write from the “I” perspective.
- I feel __________ when it shows up.
- It makes me act like __________.
- I wish __________ when it’s around.
Responses:
🤝 Step 4: What Helps Us Push Back Together?
What things have worked in the past to calm the situation, feel more connected, or make things better—even a little?
Ex: Taking space, deep breaths, having a family hug, using silly names to interrupt tension, writing a note instead of yelling, asking for help.
When this problem shows up, we can try:
❤️ Step 5: Let’s Remind Each Other
Create a family motto or phrase to remind each other that you’re fighting the problem, not each other.
Ex: “Team [Last Name] vs. The Wall,”
“It’s not us, it’s the Fog.”
“We’ve done hard things before—together.”
Our reminder will be:
🧘♀️ Gentle Note to Parents & Caregivers
It’s okay if the first few conversations are awkward or emotional. This practice isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection.
Remember:
- Everyone experiences big feelings differently.
- Children’s behavior is often communication.
- You’re doing brave work by slowing down to connect.
Final Thoughts
Blending families after a breakup is hard.
But with understanding, empathy, and the right tools, it can also be a time of growth and deeper connection.
Everyone is going through this together—even if it looks like they’re handling it differently.
By naming and sharing the “gremlins,” you take the first step toward healing for all your family members.
Ayana Brianne. 
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