It took me almost a year to finish Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Not because it was difficult to read but because it felt slow. The beginning did not grab me. I picked it up put it down revisited it and then let it sit again. For a long time I kept asking myself why this book one that so many people love was not landing for me.

This year I made a decision to read more intentionally. I told myself I was going to commit to two books a month. So I picked Eat Pray Love back up and told myself I was going to sit with it and finish it.

And I am realizing now it did not make sense before because I was not ready for it.

One of the biggest themes that stood out to me was meditation. This year and really this month I have been meditating faithfully every single day. I have dabbled in meditation for years but this is the first time I have committed to consistency. Part of that commitment is deeply personal. I am actively working on coming off my anxiety and depression medication and learning how to support my nervous system in new ways.

What struck me most was realizing almost by accident that Elizabeth Gilbert began her journey on antidepressants like Lexapro. I did not even catch that detail early on. It was not until the end of the book that it clicked for me. She began medicated overwhelmed and searching. And through her journey through prayer meditation discipline and spiritual exploration she found her way back to herself and back to God.

That realization stopped me in my tracks.

Because that is exactly where I am.

For a long time I felt frustrated with my life timeline. Why did I not get that job Why did that opportunity not work out Why am I not where I planned to be by now I spent years resisting the idea that everything happens for a reason. It felt dismissive like a phrase people use when they do not want to sit with disappointment.

But now I understand it differently.

Everything truly does happen for a reason not because life is perfectly orchestrated but because we grow into understanding when we are ready. I could not have received this book a year ago. I could not have integrated its message two years ago. I was not in a place where I could hold it.

Now I am.

I am actively building my relationship with God. I am learning how to slow down. I have been thinking about wellness retreats yoga retreats and spaces where I can unplug and focus inward. And suddenly this slow wandering story mirrors everything I have been craving.

What stayed with me most was the connection between prayer and meditation.

Growing up prayer was always about talking asking pleading hoping. Sometimes I convinced myself the voice I heard afterward was God when in reality it was my own thoughts my fear my conditioning or the voices of people who shaped me.

Meditation has been teaching me something different.

Meditation is not about forcing clarity. It is about learning how to sit in silence. Learning how to be still. Learning how to exist without narrating every moment. I am not perfect at it but I am finally understanding that to truly hear Gods voice I have to learn how to quiet all the others.

That is the work.

Not filling silence with affirmations. Not overanalyzing signs. But creating enough internal quiet that God has space to speak without interruption influence or distortion.

I understand now why this book did not resonate before. I was too loud inside. I was trying to control outcomes. I was looking outward for validation instead of inward for guidance.

By the time Elizabeth reached Indonesia in the final chapters something in me softened. It felt less like I was reading her story and more like I was witnessing my own. Not the travel but the becoming. The surrender. The trust.

This book may have started as a five out of ten for me but it became a mirror. A reminder that timing matters. That growth cannot be rushed. That readiness is everything.

I am learning how to sit still so I do not confuse Gods voice with anxiety. I am learning how to separate intuition from fear. I am learning that silence is not empty it is sacred.

And maybe that is the real lesson I was meant to learn all along.

Not how to eat better

Not how to travel farther

Not how to love louder

But how to be still enough to finally hear.

---

🪞 Reflection Prompt

Where in your life are you still confusing strength with self protection?

What would it look like to soften just a little?

Where might stillness bring more clarity than effort?

What voices are you ready to quiet so you can hear what truly matters?

---

If this reflection spoke to you share it with someone who may need the reminder that softness is sacred

You can follow my reflections and wellness journey on Instagram @ayanab_ for more conversations around healing embodiment faith and emotional growth 🤍