Starting with Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine

I have been thinking about how to bring together everything I love… therapy, relationships, and real life dynamics that we all recognize but do not always have the language for.

So I am starting a new series called In Session with @ayanab_, where I break down reality TV through a marriage and family therapy lens.

Yes it is fun. Yes it is a little messy. But it is also real.

Because shows like Married to Medicine are full of real relationship patterns. The communication issues, the emotional walls, the need for control, the desire to be understood… it is all there.

And if we slow it down, we can actually learn a lot about ourselves.

So let’s get into our first session.

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Dr. Jackie and the Kind of Strength That Keeps You Guarded

If you watch Married to Medicine then you already know Dr. Jackie as the calm one. The composed one. The one who always seems to have it together.

And I am not going to lie… I get why people respect her.

She is disciplined, successful, and emotionally controlled in a way that a lot of people aspire to be.

But as someone studying marriage and family therapy, I cannot help but look a little deeper and ask:

What is this level of control protecting?

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🧠 Who She Is On the Surface

Dr. Jackie presents as someone who is:
Calm
Rational
Put together
Not easily shaken

She is often the person everyone else leans on. The one who can hold space without falling apart.

And honestly, that kind of strength is real.

But in relationships, being the strong one all the time can quietly turn into emotional distance.

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🔍 What I Notice

Watching her over time, I started to notice a few things:

She does not easily open up emotionally
She keeps herself very composed even in hard moments
She tends to process things logically instead of emotionally
When conflict happens, she can feel a little disconnected instead of fully present

And this shows up the most in her marriage. You can see moments where emotional closeness is being asked of her and she stays in control instead of leaning in.

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🧠 Therapist Take

From an MFT perspective, this can look like an avoidant attachment style.

And I want to be clear, this does not mean she does not care.

It usually means the opposite.

It can look like:
Feeling safer when you stay in control
Struggling to fully lean on someone emotionally
Feeling uncomfortable when things get too vulnerable

When you are used to being the strong one, vulnerability can feel unfamiliar… even unsafe.

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💭 What Might Be Underneath

A lot of the time, this kind of emotional control is not random.

It can come from:
Feeling like you always have to hold it together
Not being used to others showing up for you emotionally
Wanting to avoid feeling overwhelmed
Protecting yourself from being hurt

And I think this is where people misunderstand her.

Because what looks like strength on the outside might actually be protection on the inside.

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❤️ Real Life Reflection

I see a lot of high functioning women in this.

Women who are doing everything right.
Women who are strong for everyone else.
Women who are respected.

But the real question is:

Are you letting yourself be felt?

Not just seen as strong.
Not just admired.
But actually known.

Because you can be strong and still be soft.
You can have it together and still need people.

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📝 Journal With Me

When was the last time I let someone see me without holding it together?

What about that felt uncomfortable?

And what am I protecting myself from in those moments?

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✨ Final Thoughts from @ayanab_

Dr. Jackie reminds me that strength is not the problem.

But when strength becomes your only way of being, it can quietly block the kind of love and connection you actually deserve.

You do not always have to be the strong one.

Sometimes the real growth is in letting yourself be held too.