Welcome back to In Session with @ayanab_, where we break down what reality TV can teach us about real relationships.

In the last session, we talked about emotional distance and control. This time, I want to get into something that a lot of people struggle with but do not always recognize in themselves.

Communication.

Not just what you say, but how you say it.

Let’s talk about Dr. Simone from Married to Medicine.

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Dr. Simone and the Gap Between Tone and Intent

Dr. Simone is expressive, passionate, and very real. You always know how she feels, and she is not someone who holds things in.

And for a lot of people, that honesty feels refreshing.

But at the same time, her delivery can sometimes create disconnection instead of understanding.

Which brings up an important question:

If your intention is good, but your tone hurts people, what matters more?

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🧠 Who She Is On the Surface

Dr. Simone comes across as:
Outspoken
Emotionally expressive
Direct
Passionate

She does not avoid conflict. If anything, she leans into it.

And in relationships, that kind of openness can be a strength.

But only if it is received the way it is intended.

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🔍 What I Notice

Watching her, there is a clear pattern:

She communicates with intensity
Her tone can become elevated quickly
She often feels misunderstood
Conversations can escalate instead of resolve

And what stands out the most is this disconnect between what she means and how it lands.

She might be trying to express frustration, hurt, or even care, but the delivery can feel harsh to the person receiving it.

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🧠 Therapist Take

This is where we get into tone versus intent.

A lot of people believe:
“If I did not mean it that way, then it should not be taken that way”

But in relationships, impact matters just as much as intention.

From an MFT perspective, this can reflect difficulty with emotional regulation during conflict.

When emotions rise, the nervous system gets activated, and communication can shift from connection to protection.

Instead of saying:
“I feel hurt”

It can come out as:
“You never listen”

And that shift changes everything.

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💭 What Might Be Underneath

When someone communicates with intensity, it is often not just about being loud or expressive.

It can be tied to:
A fear of not being heard
Feeling dismissed or overlooked
Emotional buildup that has not been released
A need to be understood immediately

So the volume goes up, not always out of anger, but out of urgency.

The problem is, urgency can feel like attack to the other person.

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❤️ Real Life Reflection

This is something so many people deal with.

You feel something deeply.
You try to express it.
But the way it comes out pushes people away instead of bringing them closer.

And then you are left feeling like:
“They are not hearing me”

When in reality, they might be reacting to how it was delivered.

So here is the reflection:

Is your tone helping you be understood, or is it making people defensive?

Because you deserve to be heard.

But how you communicate plays a big role in whether people can actually receive you.

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📝 Journal With Me

Think about your last conflict.

What were you trying to communicate?

How did you say it?

And how might it have been received differently than you intended?

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✨ Final Thoughts from @ayanab_

Dr. Simone reminds me that being expressive is not the issue.

Your voice matters. Your feelings matter.

But communication is not just about release, it is about connection.

And sometimes growth looks like slowing down, softening your delivery, and making sure your message can actually be felt the way you mean it.

Because it is not just about speaking your truth.

It is about being understood too.